Bits: Now with 100 percent more mime

Season 6 of Nip/Tuck premiered on FX on Wednesday night, offering a not-so surprising plot direction for the character Matt McNamara, the Michael Jacksonest animal, mineral, or vegetable still on this planet, expelling breath. No kidding. John Carter Hensley, who plays Matt McNamara, looks more like MJ than both MJ and Diana Ross combined.

The son of both Dr. Sean McNamara and Dr. Christian Troy — a long story that would require a chalkboard and possibly a Kimber blow-up doll — announced to his two dads:

“I want to be a mime.”

Of course he wants to be a mime. That’s the natural progression for a character who:

1. Performed his own home circumcision;
2. Learned threesomes before learning twosomes;
3. Fell in love with his life coach, a beautiful post-op transsexual, whose secret was revealed when one of Matt’s fathers raped her. (What? She had a shallow cave. And if anyone knows anything about caves, it’s Dr. Christian Troy, resident … um … spelunker).
4. Joined a band of neo-Nazis after he was beaten and bathed in urine by a vicious crew of transsexuals who were retaliating against a hate crime Matt committed in the aftermath of realizing the woman he loved was a post-op transsexual.
5. Had a little brother who was born with hands shaped like lobster claws.
6. Fell in love with the porn star Kimber Henry, whom both of his dads have also fallen in love with — Dr. Christian Troy more seriously than Dr. Sean McNamara, who mostly  just tried to plant his seed in the extremely lifelike aforementioned Kimber Blow Up Doll.
7. Impregnated Kimber, got hooked on meth with Kimber, and eventually lost Kimber to one of the Duke brothers, the blond one, who plays a veteran porn star — a role for which he has to stretch about as much as his sausage casing-like Levi’s.
8. Graduated from high school.
9. Fell for a Southern Belle, who came to Los Angeles looking for her birth father. It wasn’t exactly incest until they found out that Dr. Christian Troy is her father, too. Right?!

So, mime school is the next obvious step in Matt McNamara’s highly-predictable life. He’s already been able to silently order a small coffee and knock over a mom and pop cafe, using a gun that shoots bouquets of flowers.

Has anyone else ever noticed that this is the best thing on TV?

Originally posted on October 16, 2009 on Schadenfreude.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: